One year ago, he left his Kindergarten classroom and everything he knew about life changed.
We were already knee deep in learning so much about him, things that before the end of 2019, we never fully realized. Then toss a global pandemic in like a hand grenade, and everything we thought we knew blew up.
Our first days at home, March 2020.
We fought every day about doing “school” together. We fought about which parent would be the “teacher.” We each battled our own emotions, stormed out of the house, took long walks apart, yelled, cried and fought some more.
I fought with myself, while trying to keep working, and simultaneously creating STEM activities and art projects for a confused, frustrated and bored 5 year old. We made hard decisions on a daily basis, which at times, were paralyzing in ways I’d never felt before.
Don’t get me wrong, our family’s challenges were (and still are) minimal compared to many, but they were still felt to our very core.
Fast forward to now - vaccinations are happening, and there’s buzz that school might go from 2 days, back to 5 days a week. We can soon visit our vaccinated friends and family inside their homes. At long last, that ever distant light at the end of the tunnel is growing closer.
But the difference is, now I’m sitting next to my child, who is doing his school work independently. There have been no tears or fights over school in a long time. And not only that, he’s getting all the answers right. He’s risen to the challenges with a strength that most adults are still struggling with.
And I know, he’s going to be ok.
I’ve learned more about myself, and have found strength to both keep fighting, and also to let go.
And I know, I am going to be ok.
I’m so proud of him, and of us. We’re a team, and we are stronger together.
Maybe that’s why it hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized that when he goes back, I will miss him.
I’ll miss midday walks in the woods, and going out for ice cream on a random Tuesday afternoon. I’ll miss reading with him on the couch him during the middle of the day. I’ll miss his hugs while I work at my computer. The desk, the art wall, and the space we created for him will be eventually changed back into the office it was before.
Before - a lifetime ago, yet gone so fast.
It’s weird that the thing we’ve complained about all this time, is now the thing I’m going to miss the most. Going forward, my hope and prayer is that not everything goes back to what it was “before.”
At least, not in our home.
I know my feelings aren’t felt by everyone, but that’s the thing about feelings - they don’t have to be. So tell us, how are you doing one year into pandemic life?
School in progress, March 2021
